


If They Be Two

by celestialskiff



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-23
Updated: 2010-10-26
Packaged: 2017-10-12 20:26:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/128717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestialskiff/pseuds/celestialskiff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shindou decides that his relationship with Touya is very simple, really: he just wants to kiss him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_If they be two, they are two so  
As stiff twin compasses are two ;  
Thy soul, the fix'd foot, makes no show  
To move, but doth, if th' other do._  
'A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning', John Donne

Sai never seemed to sleep. Shindou didn't ask him what he did during the nights they spent together. He knew that if he woke up, Sai would be there, somewhere in his room, as quiet as a shaft of light, but awake and watchful.

"Sai," he murmured sleepily one night, the sort of night where long dark hours in bed refuse to turn into sleep despite every effort. "Sai, do you have dreams?"

"No, I don't dream," Sai said. There was a wistful quality to his voice.

"What do you do then?" Shindou asked.

"Mostly, I think about Go, and about games I have played," Sai said.

Shindou realised he should have known that. "I can't sleep," he said. "Tell me about a good game you have played."

Sai smiled and moved closer to Shindou's bed. His voice was quiet and soothing as he spoke about a match he and Shuusaku had played against someone called Gennan. He spoke about what it meant for two Go players to be rivals and the intensity of the game. Shindou fell asleep half-way through, hearing the tap of Go stones hitting the board in his sleep, and dreamt about Touya Akira.

Sai spoke that night in vague terms about the closeness of two rivals, but Shindou slept through most of the details. Sai spoke softly to him long after he knew he was deeply asleep. He stood in the quiet room talking about things he had seen until Shinou's mother shouted up the stairs and they were both thrust into the morning.

*

The first time Touya touched Shindou was when he took Shindou's hands outside the Go salon, and handled them gently with his own cool fingers, searching for clues that Shindou was a dedicated Go player. The first time Shindou touched Touya was when he tugged him out of the internet cafe, his hands rough around Touya's arms. The third time Shindou touched Touya was the one Shindou would always remember, and Shindou would always be reminded of how young he was when it happened. The memories of the games he had played as an insei would rapidly dim and fade to be replaced by other, better games, but this incident stayed so fresh in his mind that it always seemed like it happened just a moment ago.

It was after his first victory as an insei. He was chatting to Waya, feeling buoyed by his victory, when the bubble of happiness caught in his throat. Touya came into the room and stood at the doorway and looked around. He didn't say anything, or acknowledge Shindou, he merely watched, and then left. Shindou, remembering his earlier victory, felt both more confident and more aggravated than usual.

"Touya!" he shouted. He stood up before he could lose sight of him, and ignored Waya, the other insei, and Sai's presence behind. All he could think about was catching up to Touya.

Touya was almost at the lift, but its doors weren't open, and he stepped neatly aside and started walking down another corridor briskly. Shindou caught up with him easily, and Touya looked back at him, irritation plain on his face.

"Go away! I told you, you wouldn't stand in my presence again!" Touya said sharply, and kept walking. Shindou was intent on following him however, and kept pace with him. The corridor was small and they reached the end of it very quickly. Touya stopped by a closed door, sighed noisly, and wheeled around.

"I'll be ready to play you soon! Then you'll have to see me!" Shindou snapped. His breath was uneven, but it was the result of his anger, not his mild exertion.

"You'll never catch up with me," Touya said. Shindou crowded close to him. He could see Touya's chest moving as he breathed.

"Yes I will!" he shouted. "How would you know! You're too arrogant to know who is coming up behind you!"

"Arrogant? You're too stupid to know that I'm better than you!" Touya said. He leant back against the door to avoid Shindou, who was pressing very close to him. The door opened inwards suddenly, and Touya staggered slightly, and stepped backwards into the room.

Shindou shouted, "I'm your rival, Touya, and you know it!"

He pushed toward him, into the room, and the door swung shut behind them. It gave a loud bang as it shut, and it startled both of them. They blinked in the small room. It was musty, used for storing kifu, and light filtered in through a partially covered window. Shindou stood between Touya and the door. They both blinked as their eyes adjusted to the dimmer light.

Touya's hands were bunched into fists, although he didn't look like he had any intention of fighting Shindou. His cheeks were red, and hair looked slightly out of place. Shindou was glad, he was sick of Touya looking so perfect all the time; of the world treating him as if he was infallible.

"Let me out," Touya said. His voice was even, now, and did not break the hush of the room."I'm not interested in talking to you."

"You will talk to me!" Shindou shouted.

"I'm not interested," Touya said. It was the calmness of his voice which really infuriated Shindou.

He didn't know where it came from. It felt like there was too much in his head, too many feelings coursing through him. He wanted to hit Touya, he wanted to beat that bastard in Go, he wanted to show him what a little snob he was, and when he found himself grabbing the back of Touya's infuriating little head, it seemed perfectly normal. He pulled Touya's face close to his, so close he could see the individual hairs in Touya's eyebrows as they raised and the dot of perspriation on the bridge of his nose.

"Touya," he said. "I'm going to beat you one day, very soon."

"As things stand, you're not even worth playing," Touya said. Shindou was acutely aware of the hand he'd placed on Touya's head, on the strands of silky hair between his fingers. He raised his other hand, unsure of what he was doing, and Touya grabbed it, like he expected Shindou to hit him. He held Shindou's left wrist very firmly in his hand, his calloused fingers biting into the thin circle of flesh.

"I am worth playing!" Shindou said, his voice rising again. "You're going to be sorry you didn't play me when you had the chance."

Touya pulled Shindou closer to him, his breath hot on Shindou face, and said, "No. You're not. You're a disappointment."

Shindou never knew if it was those words, or their proximity, or the feeling of Touya's hand on his wrist, or Touya's skull beneath his palm. Suddenly there were no words but he still needed to speak, to express what he was feeling. He broke the small space between their faces by planting his lips on Touya's, his mouth hard and angry against Touya's slack one. He'd never kissed anyone, and from what he'd picked up from boring films Akari made him watch, he wasn't entirely sure this _was_ kissing. Kissing had always seemed slow and sort of gentle, but this was nothing like that. It was aggressive, and really wet. For a moment, Touya's mouth had been limp as Shindou pressed his lips against it, but now it was hard, the lips moving over Shidou's, hot, and wet, and surprisingly forceful.

Shindou had never touched anyone else like this before, and now all his senses were taken up with the feeling of Touya. The smell of Touya's skin, the heat of his mouth, the feeling of his skinny body pressed up against Shindou's: it was overwhelming. Their teeth knocked together a couple of times and it hurt, and his nose was crushed by Touya's cheek, but Shindou didn't care. The feelings he got when he was around Touya were somehow more than he could bear, and it seemed like he finally had a way to get them out. They felt bigger than him somehow, like when he worked out a really good move in Go, and the move seemed like it had come from somewhere beyond his own thoughts, even beyond what Sai had taught him. Doing this, this with Touya, somehow made him feel like he was channelling the feeling that everything around was bigger and more complex than he was.

Touya's body shook against his. He pulled away suddenly, jerking his head back like he had just realised what they were doing. He stayed still for a moment, breathing heavily, his hand gripping Shindou's wrist tightly. His forehead was pressed against Shindou's cheek. He removed it and met Shindou's eyes. Shindou face was hot, and he was surprised by the quietness in the room after the intensity of the last few moments.

Then Touya's eyes left Shindou face, and he stepped around Shindou who was standing between him and the door. He made a sound in his throat, something like a groan mixed with a sigh, and then he scrubbed his mouth with the back of one hand and yanked the door open and began to run.

"Touya..." Shindou whispered. Standing suddenly seemed far too complicated. He sat on the floor. His face felt damp and sticky. He rubbed it vaguely with one hand and then pressed the hand against his eyes. He stayed still, breathing hard. He couldn't understand why he had done what he had just done, and what made it worse was that it had felt good. He wanted to feel Touya's warm body pressed up against his own again. He had felt, for a moment, that with Touya he had reached something he had been longing for, and now it was gone, and he knew he should feel confused or even upset by what he had just done, but he didn't, and somehow that was even worse.

Eventually he whispered, "Sai."

"Hikaru. You should go home," Sai said.

"I don't know," Shindou said.

"Don't worry about it." Sai's voice was much more gentle than Shindou had somehow been expecting. "Go and catch your train and go home."

"Ok," Shindou said softly. He stood up. He felt cold now, the sweat drying uncomfortably on his back and forehead. The corridors outside were still busy, and Shindou realised that not much time could have passed, though he felt like he had spent years with Touya in the room with the kifu.

Sai walked in front of him on the way to the train station, and Shindou followed blindly.

At home, his mother offered him dinner, but Shindou didn't want any. He went into his bedroom and turned the light out without getting undressed. He kicked his shorts off in the dark and then crawled under the bed covers. His mouth tasted sour, and he considered getting up again and brushing his teeth, but he didn't.

After a long time, he said, "Sai. What happened?"

"You kissed him," Sai said. "I thought you were a little young for that."

"Why did I kiss him?"

He heard Sai sigh, and then the faint rustling of his robes as he shifted position, like spring leaves in a faint breeze. "You are very close to Touya, Hikaru. You and he are close in a way not many people can be."

"What do you mean?"

"Go to sleep now, Hikaru."

"No. What do you mean?"

"I'll tell you another time. Hikaru, think about the last match you saw Touya play."

Somehow, that was exactly the right thing for Sai to say. Shindou settled more comfortably between the sheets, and thought about the last match he'd seen, about Touya's hands in the Go stones, about the clarity of Touya's moves. Somehow the kissing was related to Touya's formations moving across the Go board, as it was related to how infuriating Touya was, and how much he wanted to finally beat him. He saw his own hands dipping into the stones, his fingers pale against the black stones.

"Touya," he murmured before he drifted into sleep.

*

"What do you mean," he asked Sai many times over the next two years, "What do you mean Touya and I are close in a way few people can be?"

"I'll tell you soon," Sai would say, but he never did. Or he'd start talking about the Hand of God and how Shindou was coming up behind Touya. Sometimes he would talk about Shusaku and what it mean for him to have a rival. All of that seemed terribly far away and unimportant to Shindou, and he could never work out quite what Sai was trying to say.

Shindou tried to put it out of his mind. It came into his thoughts though, often, not just the memory of the rough, wet kisses, or the feeling of Touya's hand around his wrist, but Sai's statement too, and the thought of Touya's face and Touya's eyes and Touya's mouth and, more than anything, Touya's Go.

Some days it seemed like _TouyaTouyaTouya_ was all he could think about, and he would tell himself that it was because of his Go, and he would believe it, but somehow that didn't make it any better, because he knew from his own games and from Sai's games that Go was an integral and vital part of the player, and to be obsessed with someone else's was important.

*

It was over two years until they played another match together, and Shindou assumed the feelings would have gone away. He thought about that moment often, but tried to dismiss it. He told himself that the younger Shindou had made a mistake, had acted on feelings he didn't really understand. He has mistaken their rivalry for lust, their tempers for passion. He felt certain neither he nor Touya would speak of the incident again, and he was glad of that.

After Sai dissapeared, he thought only about finding him again for a long time. Then he began to think about what Sai had said, and felt a flutter of annoyance that Sai had left him without explaining it, but he thought he knew what Sai meant. They were rivals, and they were two people to whom Go mattered more than anything, and together they would play games reaching closer and closer to attaining the divine move. He was sure that was what Sai had meant, and he tried to suppress the feeling of annoyance.

He would think, sometimes, about all the long nights in his bedroom, when, after their game, Shindou would go to bed and Sai would remain in his room, silent and watchful, taking up almost no space at all. He could remember, sometimes, Sai's voice speaking to him on long nights when he was unable to sleep, and could only half-remember stories Sai had told about Shuusaku and old games until he wasn't sure which parts he had dreamt and which parts Sai had told him.

Sometimes he would feel annoyed with Sai because there were so many secrets Sai had not shared with him, things he now wished he knew. He felt more annoyed with his younger self who had been too arrogant to listen properly to Sai. He thought instead about Sai's hands, Sai's fan and Sai's inscrutable smile, and about Sai's skill, which was so much greater than his own, and in the long days when he did not allow himself to play any Go, Touya popped into his head too, and he felt another stab of guilt.

*

Shindou quietly counted down the time until his match with Touya, and while he did, he told himself that he cared only for Touya's Go, and nothing for Touya himself. He told himself this, but, as he sat in front of Touya discussing the game he had lost, he know it was horribly simple. Really, he just wanted to kiss Touya again.

He could feel his palms itching as he talked to Touya about their game, as Touya criticised one of his more risky moves and as Touya pushed his hair out of his face. He didn't feel angry any more. The anger was still there, somewhere, part of him was still irritated by Touya's calm critique, but more than anything he felt desire. It was a difficult, heavy feeling and it made the back of his throat feel strange.

"Touya," he said softly. It had been such a long time. They had both waited such a long time.

They ended up going to the bathroom at the Go institute together. Shindou wasn't sure whether Touya would follow him, or what he was even doing, and in the quiet intimacy of the bathroom, he felt slightly sick and shivery with fear and anticipation.

"Shindou," Touya said, and his voice was surprisingly even. "It's been a long time." There was a sort of ache in his voice, and the sound of it made Shindou almost groan with longing. He thought about Touya going to matches and picking up Go stones and handing in homework and lying in his bed at home in the two years between him and he ached with the thought of all those days he had spent trying not to think of Touya.

It was Touya who made the first move. He grabbed Shindou's shoulders and pulled them flush, and they stared at each other for a moment before Touya pressed his face into Shindou's, not kissing him, just sharing the same as air as he was. Shindou could feel his own heartbeat loud in his ears, and could smell the clean cotton of Touya's shirt. Shindou reached up and gently touched Touya's soft hair at the base of his neck.

They stayed still, bodies against one another, listening to the sounds of their breath. Shindou could hear the other sounds of the bathroom too: a dripping tap, a cistern refilling, and, outside, a door swinging shut, and a roar of traffic from the street far below. Then their lips met, tentatively, and Shindou suddenly remembered the wetness of a mouth against his, and the strange, musky taste of someone else's lips. Shindou hadn't had any more experience of this than when he was thirteen, and he didn't think Touya had either, but this time they were slightly slower and they managed not to knock their teeth together or bump noses.

Shindou felt incredibly grateful, suddenly, that he wasn't waiting any more. He had not realised how much he had been waiting, how much he had wanted this. It was impossible not to admit it to himself now that they were kissing, now that Touya was here, now that he was touching him, that their warm mouths were pressed together, that he wanted this. He rested his forehead against Touya's for a moment and groaned softly, unable to express his feelings in any other way.

"We should go into a cubicle," Touya said. "Someone might come in here." His voice shook slightly, and the look in his eyes was similar to when he attacked during a game; a look that dared Shindou to back down.

"We'd be pretty obvious in a cubicle too," Shindou said, and but he met the challenge, and grabbed Touya's arm and tugged him into a cubicle. It was a tiny space, dominated by the toilet, and Shindou was aware of how closely they were pressed together. Then they were kissing again, Shindou giving himself up to the feeling of Touya's delicate body, his soft hair between his fingers, the smell of his skin. They staggered in each other's arms, and Shindou braced himself against the wall, pulling Touya closer, closer. He thrust his body into Touya's, not thinking about his hard cock, but just wanting to be as close to Touya as he could be. His mouth opened wider against Touya's and he found Touya's tongue with his own. It was hot and surprisingly hard in his mouth. It made him realise for the first time how muscular tongues were. It felt very strange to taste Touya's tongue, and when he thought about it he couldn't understand why it felt good, but it did.

They heard someone come into the bathroom, and sprang apart. Shindou could hear his breath loud in his ears, too loud, and he knew that if the man looked he would see two pairs of feet underneath the stall door, and he listened to Touya trying to even out his own breath so he knew his must be equally loud.

Touya reached out and grabbed Shindou wrist, his hand sweaty and warm around the skin. Shindou caught his eyes then, and found himself smiling, and that he suddenly cared a lot less about what the stranger was thinking.

When he'd finally departed, Touya said, "We should probably go."

"Yes," Shindou said, and then it seemed like either he or Touya couldn't stand the space between them any more, because they were in each other arms again, Touya resting his head on Shindou's shoulder.

"It was a good game," Touya said softly. "We should play again."

"Yes," Shindou said. "Yes."

"Come to my father's Go salon tomorrow?" Touya asked. Shindou agreed, and they arranged times, Touya speaking softly into Shindou's shoulder all the time.

"Now I should go," Touya said. Shindou couldn't bring himself to ask him not to, though he wanted to, so he nodded, and Touya stepped away from him. He gave Shindou a funny little half-smile and nod, and then stepped out of the cubicle. The door swung shut behind him. Shindou stayed where he was, and listened to the bathroom door close behind Touya too.

He pressed his palm against his cock through his jeans, and rubbed back and forth, and then undid the zipper, and grabbed it in his hand. He came very quickly, pressing toilet paper against the tip of his cock so it caught most of the mess. He scrubbed the rest off his hands with more paper, which ripped slightly on his skin. He stared at his hands; his brain was on a loop of TouyaTouyaTouya, and he felt dazed.

He went to one of the sinks and splashed cold water on his face and in his hair, and took some more deep breaths. He couldn't believe that his mouth felt sour because Touya had kissed it, that Touya had been in his arms just a moment ago, that he would be seeing him tomorrow.

He rested his hot face against the cold mirror and whispered, "Sai. Sai, tell me what's going on."

*

That night he dreamt of Sai. He told him about the game, about Touya. He told him everything.

He asked, "Is that what you meant, Sai? Is this what we are for each other?"

But Sai only smiled his inscrutable smile, and silently handed Shindou his fan.

*

Shindou got to the Go salon first, his hair ruffled by the journey. He worried he smelt sweaty, or that his clothes were wrong. He handed over his bag, and went to the Go board where he had played with Touya before, a long time ago.

He waited for half an hour, then an hour. A couple of elderly Go players, taking pity on him, asked him for a game, but he declined. He waited for another half an hour. His hands were clammy, and his heart raced. He kept trying to look at the board, but his eyes were constantly drawn to the door, hoping that he would see Touya pass through it.. He laid out a game, and then swept it aside. He couldn't concentrate. He looked up at the door hopefully every time it opened, but it was never Touya. He tried to look away, but he couldn't stop himself.

After two hours had passed, he retrieved his bag, and left. He didn't want to go home. He didn't want to sit in his bedroom and look at a Go board, on which he could not play without Sai, and think about the game he hadn't had with Touya, or the loneliness of wanting to hold someone who was not there. He wondered if Touya regretted what had happened, and he worried that he did. He wished he could ask Sai if it was normal from him not to regret what had happened, because he didn't, not at all. He only regretted the fact that Touya had not shown up. Shindou was not a person who worried a lot, but he did worry again, now, with a sort of frantic nervousness, that two more years would go by before he could talk to Touya properly again.

He walked aimlessly, staring at diners through restaurant windows, at clothes he didn't like in shops, and watching the faceless people in the crowd. In the end he went to the park near his house. The playground was deserted as ever, and he sat on the slide, looking up at the shifting clouds. He'd bought a fan today, and he took it out of his bag and held it in his hands, opening it and closing it slowly.

He thought, Sai. He thought, Touya. He made a sound in his throat that was not a sob or a groan, but simply a sound of desperate longing.

*

He didn't want to go to school the next day, and he wished he was playing Go. He wanted to be by the board, to watch the other players. He knew a game would distract him; he knew he would win today. He put on his uniform anyway, and his bag of poorly completed homework, and dozed in his classes.

He didn't speak to anyone, but the period of sports he had that day woke him up a little. He liked the feeling of the earth under his feet, the players running around the field, their movements connected only by the presence of the ball. He tried not to think about Touya; and tried once, briefly and unsuccessfully, to think that it was better this way.

Touya was waiting for him outside his school gates. Shindou saw him before he saw Shindou, and his heart began to beat in his temples. Touya was looking off into the distance, his face passive, but his fingers were twisting together, his knuckles white.

"Touya," Shindou said. He was a little afraid he would run off again, as he had done so often in the past.

Touya looked up at him, and slowly unclenched his hands. "Hello," he said.

They stood still for a moment just looking at each other.

"Where do you want to..." Shindou began.

"Somewhere public," Touya replied, and set off walking briskly down the street. Shindou followed.

"I couldn't. Yesterday. I tried, but..." Touya bit his lip. "I wanted to play Go with you. But I thought about what happened, and I..."

"You wanted it to happen too!" Shindou said, cutting him off. "You wanted it as much as me!"

Touya looked away. "I wanted to play Go with you." The street they were in was busy, and they turned into a quieter one, which was lined with quiet office buildings and, because of its angle, cast in deep shade.

"And you wanted to kiss me!" Shindou managed to keep the last to words to a whisper, albeit a fierce one, and it still seemed loud in the hushed street.

Touya sighed. "Yeah. I don't know. It's so stupid. I don't know why I want to kiss an idiot like you all the time." Touya swallowed, began to say something else, and then stopped.

"What?" Shindou said crossly. He kicked at wrapper on the pavement.

"Why did you kiss me that first time?"

"I don't know," Shindou said honestly. He thought about the quiet room full of kifu. "We were very young. I think I wanted to."

"You wanted to?" Touya's voice was soft now. He seemed more anxious than angry.

"I don't even know if I wanted to. It seemed to just happen! You were really pissing me off!" Shindou said. He rubbed his hands together, feeling the callouses on his skin.

"Yes," Touya said. "You pissed me off too."

"I just want to do it again. What we did before. Don't you, Touya?" Shindou said. It was so hard to feel confused about the situation. Touya so clearly was, but the more time Shindou spent with him the more he realised that he knew what he wanted. He didn't know what it was about Touya, or why his brain seem to determined to play a loop of Touya related thoughts and memories all the time, but it did.

"Yes, I..."

"And I want to play Go. So let's do those things, ok, Touya?"

"It's... it's more complex than that," Touya said. He walked aimlessly into an ally between office buildings. Shindou didn't follow him, and Touya stopped moving and turned around to look at him.

Shindou wasn't sure that it was. He could see, with the part of his brain that made complex Go moves and thought about Sai, that it was complicated, but most of his brain just wanted Touya, and wanted Go, which seemed simple enough to him.

"Touya," Shindou said. "Just because we're rivals doesn't mean you have to hate me all the time you know. You can like me, too. I like you some of the time."

"Do you?" Touya said.

"Yeah," Shindou looked at the ground, embarrassed. "Yeah, some of the time."

"I don't..." Touya gulped, and seemed equally uncomfortable. "Well, yeah. You're okay some of the time too."

"Good," Shindou said. "That's settled then."

"It's not... Shindou, I'm not sure you understand." They had stopped making any pretence of walking now, and were standing in the shade. Touya's fringe was in his eyes and he looked much less fierce than he had before.

"You worry too much, Touya," Shindou said, and it wasn't that he didn't worry himself sometimes, but he was also thinking about how much he wanted to feel Touya's skin under his hands again, and how long he had waited to play Go with him.

"Let's go to my house and play Go, ok?" Shindou said. He thought they could probably do any number of things at home. They were much less likely to be caught by his mother than by someone in a public bathroom.

To his surprise, Touya didn't think about it for very long. He nodded, and they turned around, setting off with much more purpose in the opposite direction.

*

They played a game, and the game was so good Shindou forgot about wanting to kiss Touya. Go sometimes made him feeling like he was swimming through cool water: in a good game his mind became calm, and the world was slow and quiet, and each move came to him with clarity from somewhere far away, like he was diving down through cool, silky water, searching for something on the sea bed.

Touya won though.

"That move in the upper right hand corner was ridiculous," he said.

Shindou argued the point. He wasn't as angry as he could have been: there was an exhilaration that came with a good game that made him more calm. It felt wonderful to have Touya in his bedroom, with no other Go players around to comment or interrupt. His room felt smaller now, with Touya in it, and that felt good, because it had seemed terribly vast with the absence of Sai.

He reached across the Go board and took Touya's hand in his. "You're so infuriating," he said.

Touya looked at their hands, and squeezed Shindou's slightly. "Do you think this is a way to win an argument?" he said.

"No," Shindou said. He wanted to say, 'I just want to touch you,' but he felt too nervous, and worried that it might frighten Touya. Instead he said, "I'm just distracting you."

"Well," Touya said. "It's not working." There was a slight catch in his voice as he said the words, though, and Shindou thought he might want to touch Shindou just as badly as Shindou wanted to touch him.

"Oh really?" Shindou said.

Touya nodded. He watched Shindou, biting at his lower lip. The urge to touch Touya, to be closer to him, which always seemed to become stronger when they were close, became overwhelming, and Shindou leant over the board and kissed him. Part of him worried that Touya would push him away, but Touya's hand had remained in his, and that in itself was reassuring.

Touya responded eagerly and immediately, much to Shindou's pleasure, and they ended up on Shindou's bed. They were fully clothed and above the covers, but it still felt far more intimate than last time. Touya wrapped one of his legs around Shindou's hips, and Shindou could feel Touya's cock through his jeans, hard and close to his own. Touya's mouth was insistent on his, hot and firm, his tongue again finding Shindou's.

Touya rolled on top of him, straddling him on the bed, and kissed his mouth, and his cheek, and his neck. Gently, experimentally, he bit the soft skin below Shindou's ear, and Shindou was surprised by how loudly he groaned. He put a hand over his mouth to stifle himself, and nodded to Touya, who bent over his neck and bit harder. Shindou loved it: the blunt teeth nipping his soft skin, Touya's tongue gently licking the sore place; the mixture of tenderness and pain made him squirm. He had never expected this to feel so good.

Touya slid lower down on his body, nibbling at his exposed collar bones, the top of his chest. Shindou tugged him back up for another kiss. He closed his eyes, revelling in Touya's weight on him, Touya's hands on his skin, their kisses.

Their mouths ached and tasted sour by the time they stopped, panting. Part of Shindou wanted to continue, to keep on kissing Touya, to grip Touya's cock in his hand and make him come, but he felt almost overwhelmed already by the new experience, by the kissing on his neck, by the weight of Touya beside him, and so he drew back a little. Touya pulled away too, his face flushed, and he sighed and curled up against Shindou's side, his head next to Shindou's on the pillow. Shindou wondered if Touya's cock throbbed as insistently as his own. He ignored it for now, ignored his own need and his question about Touya: despite his arousal he felt content to stop here, to wait for more. He reached up and gently brushed Touya's hair out of his face and stroked the soft strands with his fingers.

"I left bruises on your neck," Touya said softly.

Shindou gingerly touched his neck, and felt a few places that were sore under his fingers.

"I'll wear a polo neck or something," he said. Touya nodded and nestled into Shindou's side. Shindou looked out his window, at the sky turning dark. He thought fleetingly of Sai. He realised that he could hear his parents downstairs, the sound of water running.

"Do you want to stay to dinner?" Shindou asked.

It took Touya a long time to answer. "I don't know," he said.

"You don't have to."

"I don't know how I'd... how I'd meet your parents when you have bruises on your skin from me," Touya said. He wouldn't meet Shindou's eyes, and he squirmed a little with embarrassment.

"I don't care about that," Shindou said. He smiled. "That felt so good."

Touya made a faint snuffling sound, and Shindou saw that he was wiping away a tear that had trickled down his nose. "I care," he said.

"Touya," Shindou said softly. He wasn't sure how to react so he resumed stroking Touya's hair.

"You worry too much," Shindou said.

"I'm not sure you worry enough," Touya said. He made a faint moaning sound. "I wish I didn't want to kiss you so much."

He sat up and began straightening out his clothes. It was dim in the room now, the daylight mostly gone.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" Shindou asked.

"Do you have a match scheduled tomorrow?"

"Yes," Shindou said.

"Then you'll definitely see me," Touya said. He stood up, and Shindou got to his feet too.

"Wait here," Touya said. "I'll let myself out."

And then he was rushing down the stairs and hurrying out the door, leaving Shindou to stand in a dark bedroom, and Shindou's mother to ask futilely, "Who was that?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my betas onkoona and swing_set on LJ for their invaluable help.


	2. Part Two

The bruises were harder to hide than Shindou had thought. He found a fairly worn yellow polo neck at the back of his cupboard and put that on, and tugged it so far up that a strip of his stomach was exposed above the top of his jeans, but he didn't want to pull it down again. He pulled his jeans up high too to hide the errant skin, but they feel back down immediately. He sighed. He worried that if he made any sudden movements the top would slip down and reveal the dark bruises on the side of his neck.

Worth it, he thought as he struggled by the mirror. Definitely worth it.

*

Touya was playing in another part of the room, and Shindou didn't get a chance to speak to him. Shindou was playing against a fairly new pro, and found that he was winning easily. At lunch time Touya stayed hunched over the board, and Shindou wanted to go over and to try lighten his morose expression, but Touya wouldn't even meet his eyes, and Shindou allowed Waya to drag him out of the room.

He, Waya and Isumi all ate nearby. Isumi and Waya talked about their games and Shindou allowed his thoughts to drift. It was hard not to think about Touya all the time; Touya in his room last night, Touya straddling him, Touya's mouth on his skin. He gave a little, involuntary shiver.

He glanced at the other two boys as he heard his name spoken. "Hmmm?"

"I was just saying," Waya said, "That you must have a girlfriend."

"A girlfriend? You idiot! Of course I don't have a girlfriend," Shindou said. He was startled to be asked when he had been thinking of Touya just a moment ago.He thought suddenly that there was nothing he wanted less than girlfriend.

Waya laughed and Isumi smiled. "You're not covering it up very well," Waya said, and Shindou belatedly remembered his neck, and that he hadn't fiddled with the inadequate polo-neck in a while.

What was happening between Touya and himself was private, something that they were exploring by themselves, and the last thing he wanted was Waya to ask him about it. He tried to think of a good lie to tell, and he found himself flushing. He didn't know what to say.

"Tell me about her then, Shindou," Waya said.

"I..." Shindou swallowed. "I don't have a girlfriend," he said. "Really." And he fiddled with the remains of the meal in front of him and hoped that Waya wouldn't say anything else.

"Come on, Shindou, it's obvious that you do. What else did you do, fall over repeatedly on your neck?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Is it Nase?"

"I said I don't want to talk about it!" Shindou snapped. He stood up, his chair screeching on the floor as he did so.

"Hey Shindou!" Isumi called. "Shindou!" He ignored him, but Isumi stood up and followed him, and they met just outside the restaurant door.

"Waya's an idiot. He shouldn't have pushed you like that," Isumi said.

"Yeah," Shindou said, deflating. "I'm gonna go back to the Go Institute."

"Are you ok?" Isumi asked.

"I'm fine," Shindou said. As Isumi left he tugged awkwardly at the polo neck again.

Touya was still sitting at the Go board as Shindou knew he would be, his head tilted forward and his hair in his eyes.

"Don't you get hungry?" Shindou asked.

"Not when I'm playing," Touya said. Shindou went and sat down beside him.

"Well you don't need to worry," he said. "You're going to win."

"I don't know that," Touya said.

"Yes, you do," Shindou said. His conversation with Waya and Isumi was still fresh in his mind, and without thinking, he blurted "Everyone can see these bruises on my neck."

"Shut up, Shindou! You idiot! You're ruining my concentration!" Touya's face was fierce, and Shindou backed off.

"Will you talk to me after your game?" Shindou said.

"Yes, yes," Touya said, dipping his head so his hair hid his face. Shindou stayed sitting next to him for a few moments and then stood up and went back to his own board.

*

They did meet again after the match. From the look on Touya's face, Shindou thought he couldn't help himself. They stood in the Go Institute bathroom again to talk.

"Do you want to go somewhere? My house?" Shindou asked.

"I don't know," Touya said. He sighed. "Why are we doing this?"

"You've thought about it as long as I have, haven't you?" Shindou said.

Touya nodded glumly.

"I feel like it's inevitable. Someone told me that we are close in a way not many people can be."

"Who told you that? Who have you been talking to about.. what we did?"

Shindou looked down. He thought about Touya, about how much he liked him. He didn't want another argument about Sai, but a bigger part of him just didn't want to lie. Softly, he said, "Sai."

"Sai! You said you'd explain! Tell me now!" Touya said fiercely.

"I... I can't," Shindou said.

"You can't! And you expect me to just kiss you whenever you want! You walk around parading those bruises!" Touya turned away from Shindou, facing the sinks and the mirrors to their left. He gripped the edge of one of the sinks, his knuckles white. His face was tilted downwards, his hair in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," Shindou said. "I just... don't know how to tell you."

"Well try!" Touya said. "It can't be that hard! Why did you tell him?"

"Because he saw us kissing that first time," Shindou said honestly.

"That's impossible," Touya said. "No one else was there. No one else was nearby!" He turned around, facing Shindou again. His expression was fierce, and someone less used to fighting with Touya might have backed down.

"Well, he knew," Shindou said. "Don't worry. He wouldn't tell anyone."

"I don't understand. You're being stupid, Shindou," Touya said.

"I know," Shindou said. "I'm sorry, ok? I'll tell you someday."

"You're so frustrating!" Touya said. "You're so unreasonable!"

"Listen to what Sai said though. About us being close. That's all. We can't help that."

Touya sighed. He shifted, fiddling with the hair at the nape of his neck. He swallowed, opened his mouth to speak, and then closed it. Eventually, he said "I know." And then, "Shindou. It's confusing." He reminded Shindou strangely of Sai at that moment, of Sai's irritation when Shindou couldn't understand a seemingly simple move, and of his patience.

"I know," Shindou said. They reached out and touched their hands gently, and then, slowly, their mouths.

"Let's go to my house," Shindou whispered.

"No. It's my turn," Touya said. He smiled, and while it was a small smile, and very brief, it was full of warmth. "I want you to see my house, too," he said.

"Okay," Shindou said. He was suprised and pleased. He wanted to see where Touya lived, to know what his bedroom looked like and the colour of his walls.

*

Touya's house was larger, older and quieter than Shindou's. Shindou looked around, at the airy hallway and the trees outside, picturing Touya walking there every day, his hands touching the sides of the doorways accidentally, or taking off his shoes by the door.

"It's nice," Shindou said.

"Let's play a game," Touya said, and they went, not into Touya's bedroom, but into a spacious room, dominated by an elegant Go board by the main window.

"Is this where your father plays?" Shindou asked.

"Yes, some of the time," Touya said. "He's in China just now."

"That's... intimidating. The part about him playing Go on this board."

"I play on it too," Touya said. He took Shindou's hand in his briefly, and brushed his finger over the skin on Shindou's wrist.

The game started slowly. Touya watched him, a look Shindou could not quite read in his eyes. Shindou quickly became absorbed in the game, more absorbed than he had been in the game he had played that morning. Time slipped away as they played, and it was getting dark as they knelt by the board, counting their scores. Touya won, but by a smaller margin than usual.

Shindou reached across the board, and gently stroked Touya's fringe out of his eyes. Then they were leaning over the quiet stones and kissing softly. The game hadn't been a foreplay to this contact; it was almost like their physical contact was simply a continuation of the connection they felt when they were playing.

Their mouths were hot and insistent. Shindou walked around the board, and stood above Touya, who tugged him down so he was straddling Touya, his bottom in Touya's lap. Touya's face was warm against his, his fingers running over Shindou's back. He licked Touya's neck, tasting the skin, but Touya gently discouraged him from biting the soft flesh as he had done to Shindou. He ran his fingers through Touya's soft hair and explored the skin at his nape.

Again, Shindou felt almost overwhelmed by this contact with another person. He could not remember the last time he had touched someone, and now he was touching so much of Touya, intimate parts of his body pressed warmly against him.

Touya groaned softly, pulling Shindou back to his mouth, tugging at Shindou lips with his teeth, and sucking on the tip of Shindou's tongue. Shindou murmured something incoherent and pushed Touya down, so he was lying on the ground with Shindou on top of him. Shindou, fumbling, opened the buttons of Touya's shirt and leant down to explore the skin he exposed with his mouth. He ran the fingers of his other hand along Touya's thigh and slowly, tentatively, pressed the heal of his hand against Touya's crotch.

It seemed like Touya stopped breathing. He raised his head, looking at Touya's profile in the dim light.

Then Touya made a moaning, gasping sound through his nose, and bucked into Shindou's hand and Shindou rubbed his hand over the hard shape of the cock through Touya's trousers. Touya's eyes closed, his right hand reaching up to tug on Shindou's head, his hair. Shindou bent down, his fingers still working over Touya's cock, while his own throbbed longingly in his trousers, and kissed Touya again, more gently than he had before. This was good, Shindou thought, this was so good...

Then he heard the click of a light switch, and was aware of a brightness beneath his eyelids before he opened them.

Touya stood up, pushing Shindou roughly away from him.

"Akira," the woman by the doorway said.

"I'm... I'm..." Touya looked wildly around, his eyes wide and wet. He looked at his mother and then at Shindou, and then he turned away from both of them and ran out of the room, skirting by his mother at the door.

"Akira!" she called. "Akira, come back!" Shindou heard the door slam shut. He drew his knees up to his chest, and tried to will the hard-on away as quickly as possible.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. He tried to straighten his ruffled clothes. He pulled down the polo-neck, belatedly remembered the bruises on his neck, but left it the way it was. He looked at the Go board, at the beautiful shapes of the game they had played.

"You're Shindou, aren't you?" she said. "Would you like some tea?"

"Yes," Shindou said softly, trying to even out his breath. "Yes please."

She left the room, and Shindou had enough time to feel his hard-on diminish, to stand-up and feel a wave of nausea and anxiety about what had just happened and what he would say to Touya's mother and to worry a little about where Touya had gone, what was going on in his head. He wondered how he would feel if his own mother walked in on them. He wasn't sure: he thought he might feel angry at the intrusion; he didn't know if he would feel guilty.

Akiko came back with tea, and they both sat by the Go board. "Thank you," Shindou said, and sipped the hot liquid nervously.

"How long has this been going on?"

"I... Only a few days, really. But I think we've wanted to for as long as we've known each other." Shindou felt far more embarrassed than when he had spoken to Waya. That embarrassment had been soften by irritation, whereas this one was almost unbearable. He couldn't meet Akiko's eyes.

"Akira speaks about you frequently," she said. "And his father mentions you too."

Shindou nodded. "I'm sorry we... I'm sorry we did this here; let you find us. That was bad."

"You played a game, too?"

"Yes," Shindou said. "A good game."

"You're very young, both of you," she said. She stirred her tea thoughtfully, and Shindou was surprised by how at ease she looked. Only the flush in her cheeks betrayed any discomfort.

Shindou thought about Touya, and how he seemed, in some ways, almost as old as Sai. And Sai was, really, a very old person indeed.

"I don't know if Touya is so young, really," Shindou said. "He looks small, but I don't know that he's so young."

"No." She looked at him, a faint smile on her face. She was looking at the Go board, too. "Not in some ways. I'm not sure you are, either, Shindou."

"Do you know where he's gone?" Shindou asked.

"No," she said softly. "I hope not too far."

"Is it ok if... If I look for him?" Shindou said.

"Please do. Tell him I would like to speak to him," she said. Shindou stood up, carefully replacing the tea on the try she'd brought.

"And Shindou, why don't you join us for dinner this Saturday? My husband will be home by then."

"Yes," Shindou said. "Ok. Thank you."

And then hurried out into the dusk. He stood for a minute by the gate of Touya's house, trying to get his breath back, and his bearings. Somehow he had not expected that incident to end with a dinner invitation.

*

He found Touya in a park nearby. It took him more time than he had wished, especially because he didn't know the area. His breath was coming harsh and hot in his throat by the time he found him, and his heart pounded in his temples. He had worried about where Touya would go, how upset he would be.

"You ran off," Shindou said.

Touya was looking at the ground. He was sitting on a bench in a well-let park, and Shindou could see his expression clearly, and the grass stains on his expensive trousers. He looked like he might have been crying.

"I talked to your mother," Shindou said quickly. "You don't need to worry. She doesn't seem cross at all. She invited me for dinner on Saturday. She said she would like to talk to you. Ok?"

Touya stared at him. "Shindou, how are you so certain all the time? How do you talk to people so easily?"

"I don't know. I think it just... happens," he said.

"But how are you like that? How is it so easy for you? How is it so much more easy for you to talk to my mother than it is for me?"

Shindou felt lost. "I don't know. Your mother is nice." He sat still for a while, looking at the grass rather than at Touya. "Maybe it's harder to talk to your own mother? I don't find it very easy to talk to my mother."

"Don't you?"

"No," Shindou said. He thought about his mother again, briefly. She hadn't commented at all on the bruises.

Touya sighed softly. He rubbed the bridge of his nose with one finger. "Are you.. have you always liked boys?" he said.

"I don't know," Shindou said softly. "I guess I only really think about Go. And you. And I've thought about you for a very long time, and not really anyone else."

"I know what you mean," Touya said. "Your Go talks to me, Shindou."

Shindou nodded. "I love playing you," he said.

Touya nodded. He looked distant, but less like he was about to cry, which was a good thing. Shindou wasn't entirely sure how good he would have been at dealing with that, though this evening had been going surprisingly well.

"I don't know what to say to my mother," Touya said eventually.

"Just tell her you don't know. And tell her I'm so wonderful you don't ever think about anything but me. And sometimes Go."

Touya smiled slightly. "Go, and sometimes you."

"Close enough," Shindou said. He bridged the gap between them by gently brushing the back of his hand against Touya's. Touya accepted the touch but did not respond. His face looked very far away.

Shindou stood up, jolting them both back to the present, and said, "Come on. I'll walk with you back to your house."

*

Shindou worried about Touya that evening. He wished he could discuss it with Sai. He thought about Sai's calm face and his habit of choosing just the right words, and the calm, steady nights of Go.

There was something easier in Touya's face when he saw him at the Go Institute the next morning. He looked at Shindou over his shoulder when he walked in, and smiled very slightly. Shindou nodded back and felt a bubble of nervousness in his belly simply go away.

He played a 3-dan pro that morning, and the game was fairly difficult. Shindou had to work hard all morning, and by lunch time he still wasn't sure if he would win. He stayed in place, staring at the pieces as everyone else filed out of the room.

He was surprised when Touya stood and came over to him. He looked at the game for a little while.

"You're going to win," he said.

"I don't know," Shindou said. He looked up at Touya. "You ok?"

Touya nodded. "You definitely have to come to my house on Saturday, though. My mother has mentioned it a number of times."

"That's a little scary," Shindou said. He laughed slightly as he said it, but he felt a genuine nervousness.

"Yes," Touya said. He gently touched the hair on the crown on Shindou's head. "Thank you, Shindou. I'm ok."

"You should come and have lunch with me," Shindou said.

Touya shook his head. "No. You should go."

Shindou thought about staying, but he also thought how hungry he was. "Ok." He stood up, facing Touya, and touched his cheek lightly.

"Come to my house tonight? Please?" he said, and Touya nodded.

He found Isumi and Waya downstairs, and they went to eat together. Waya didn't mention the conversation of the day before; probably Isumi had told him not to. Shindou suddenly felt acutely conscious that his bruises, though faded, were still obvious.

They talked about the upcoming matches and the recent tournaments, which were subjects most of their conversations revolved around. Shindou enjoyed talking about it, and found himself relaxing more and more.

"I've got to play Touya next week," Isumi said suddenly.

"That guy pisses me off. Do you have any tips for Isumi, Shindou? You play him all the time," Waya said.

Shindou shook his head. "I hardly ever beat him," he said.

"How do you stand spending so much time with him? Surely he gets on your nerves?" Waya asked.

Shindou smiled. "It has its compensations," he said.

*

He and Touya caught the train back to his house together. The train was crowded, and they weren't able to talk much, but they were pressed warmly against one another, which was a good feeling in itself. Shindou took the opportunity to rest one hand against Touya's hip. He slowly explored the trouser-covered skin of Touya's hip and upper thigh. Touya's face was angled away from his, so he didn't see the effect he was having until they got off the train, and he noticed how flushed Touya's cheeks were.

"You ok?" he asked, and Touya gave him a look that was perhaps meant to be cross, but didn't succeed in conveying that feeling.

Shindou's mother was out when they got there, which has was glad about. He couldn't remember her saying she was going anywhere, but she often went out to visit friends or family. He led Touya up to his room, and was pleasantly surprised when Touya initiated things by kissing him on the mouth immediately.

"You... On that train. With your fingers so near my... Your fingers on my skin. And there were so many people around! Shindou, I can't believe you did that," Touya said. He might have been cross, but Shindou didn't think he'd ever seen Touya look less irritated. He hadn't realised the effect he was having, but he wasn't entirely sorry.

He steered Touya over to his bed and they sat down beside each other. Shindou wet his lips, intending to speak, but Touya leant over and kissed him. They explored each other's mouths gently at first, but their kisses rapidly became much harder, their tongues hot in their mouths, and their breath quick. Touya stretched back on the bed guiding Shindou on top of him. Shindou could feel Touya's delicate bones beneath him, the heat of his body through his clothes. It felt, again, strange to be so close to someone. Shindou loved the taste of Touya, loved the time they spent with their eyes clothes and their mouths meeting like this. The more often this happened, the more Shindou wanted.

He slid his hand down to Touya's crotch, and rubbed at the hard cock through Touya's jeans. Touya paused for a moment, his mouth still against Shindou's, and then he thrust up, against Shindou's hand. Shindou stifled a gasp as he felt the shape of Touya's erection. Again, he wanted more of Touya.

"Can I.. What if I...?" Shindou said, and then he began undoing Touya's trousers to show what he meant. Touya nodded quickly, helping him to undo the button and push them down around Touya's thighs.

It was the first time Shindou had seen a hard penis other than his own, and it was strange to notice the slight differences and the similarities. He licked his palm and wrapped his hand around it. Touya made a gasping, gulping sound, which Shindou took to mean he was doing the right thing, and he gently slid his hand up and down over the cock, and then, when Touya only made a breathy sound, squeezed more firmly, in the way he would touch himself. The sounds Touya was making were different to any Shindou had heard before; they were gentle and intimate, and Shindou loved seeing this side of Touya. The soft breathy gasp Touya made also went straight to his cock.

He'd been thinking about something for the past few days, thinking about what it would be like to taste Touya's cock. It was nice to taste Touya's mouth, his neck, the soft skin between his collarbones: he wanted to taste Touya's cock too. He looked at it in his hand, and worried that tasting it would somehow hurt Touya. He wasn't at all sure what he was supposed to do, although he knew that men were supposed to like this.

"Touya..." he whispered, and Touya murmured in reply, but his head was resting on the pillow and his eyes didn't meet Shindou's. He was biting his lip, and he looked overcome with what he was feeling. Shindou couldn't blame him. Keeping his fingers rubbing Touya's cock, Shindou slid down the bed so he was crouching by Touya's cock. He could see a shiny drop of pre-come on the tip of Touya's penis, and he leant forward and touched the tip of his tongue to the skin just below that to see how Touya would react. Touya made a soft, murmuring sound, but didn't object, so Shindou leant forward and gently licked the whole way up the shaft of Touya's penis. It felt strange to touch that part of Touya so intimately, but Shindou didn't want to stop.

"Shindou," Touya said breathlessly. "The feels..."

Shindou licked again, sampling the strong, musky taste, the hard feeling of the engorged penis, and the contrast between it and the tender skin that contained it. Touya moaned softly.

"Are you ok?" Shindou asked quickly.

"It feels really good, Shindou. Are you sure you want to do it?"

"Of course. I like tasting you!" Shindou said, surprised by his own enthusiasm, and opened his mouth, gently sucking the tip of his penis into it. That made Touya gasp more loudly than he had before, and Shindou felt a wave of pleasure at turning Touya on so much. He concentrated hard on licking the cock, trying to tempt more sounds from Touya

He glanced up at him and thought suddenly that Touya looked beautiful, with his hair spread out on Shindou's pillow, his hands clenching in the bed covers, and his crisp, white shirt contrasting with the intimacy of their position.

Shindou alternating between licking and sucking along the shaft and taking the tip of the penis into his mouth and sucking on it. Touya was gasping and murmuring soft, incoherent things. Shindou tried to take more and more of the penis into his mouth, but he found it made him feel too much like gagging beyond a certain point. He worked out a way of sucking on the tip and stroking the base which Touya seemed to enjoy a lot, and Shindou had never felt more turned on in his life, looking at Touya biting his lip, and hearing the sounds he made, and tasting his musky flavour in his mouth, and knowing it was he, Shindou, who was causing Touya to get that look on his face.

"Shindou... I'm going to..." Touya began, and Shindou immediately backed his head away. He definitely felt he wasn't ready to have a mouthful of Touya's come just yet. He wrapped his fingers around Touya's cock again, and it only took a few moments before Touya started to come. Shindou watched, fascinated, as the come spurted from Touya's penis and onto his shirt and Shindou's hand, and the bed sheets. Shindou continued to pump the penis until Touya stopped coming, and then he flopped onto the bed next to Touya.

He tentatively licked some of the come of one of his fingers. It was a strong taste, and not particularly appetising, but he thought he could get used to it.

"What are you doing?" Touya murmured.

"Tasting you," Shindou said.

"Oh. How is it?"

"Salty," Shindou said. "Want to try?"

Touya blinked, and then opened his mouth slightly. Shindou rested one of his fingers against Touya's lips, and Touya licked it delicately, and then sucked on the tip very lightly. Shindou found himself shivering, his eyes meeting Touya's as he felt Touya's hot tongue against the tip of his finger. Touya's expression was ungaurded and Shindou felt an almost overwhelming surge of emotion for him. He covered it by kissing him again.

"Mm, yes, I don't taste too bad," Touya said when they seperated. "I think I've... I think I've come on your bedsheets."

"Don't worry, I come on them all the time," Shindou said. He grabbed a tissue from the box by his bed, and Touya mopped some of the come of his belly with it. Shindou brushed Touya's hair out of his face, and took the used tissue from him and threw it on the floor.

Touya swallowed, an anxious expression crossing his face, and then he met Shindou's eyes. "Should I find out what you taste like?"

"If you want. You don't have to, Touya. I just... really wanted to do that for you," Shindou said.

"I want to do it for you, too," Touya said firmly. He shuffled down the bed, and pulled his trousers back up to make moving around easier, but didn't bother doing them up. Shindou was amazed and delighted that Touya wanted to do this for him; he hadn't expected him to.

Shindou found himself moaning as soon as Touya touched his fly. His cock ached with hardness. Touya undid his zipper, the sound loud in the quiet room, and tugged his trousers down, releasing Shindou's cock. He touched it experimentally with one finger, and it felt good, but it wasn't close to enough. Shindou found himself bucking his hips longingly, and Touya seemed to understand. He wrapped his hand around Shindou's cock and gently pumped it up and down, and Shindou groaned, staring down at Touya as he worked Shindou's cock. The feeling was amazing, not just the sensation of someone else's hand rubbing his cock, but knowing it was Touya's hand, and seeing Touya's face, feeling the tips of Touya's hair tickling his thighs as Touya bent down to lick his cock.

Shindou found himself immediately wanting to thrust against Touya as he licked Shindou's sensitive skin, but he gripped the bedsheets instead, not wanting to move, not wanting to scare Touya. The feeling of Touya's hot tongue on his skin was amazing. He felt like he couldn't contain the way the sensation of the tongue on his skin made him feel, and when Touya started to suck the tip of his cock, he thought he might explode right then and there. He felt like he only existed in the place where Touya was touching him, like the rest of his body had simply melted away.

He found he was groaning and murmuring something at the same time, something utterly incoherent, and that he couldn't quite catch his breath or stop himself from making those soft sounds. He gasped as Touya sucked harder, his mouth so hot, and the pressure on Shindou's cock so perfect, so exactly what he wanted.

Then, "Oh, fuck, Touya," he said, and that was all the warning he could give, because he was coming. Touya backed away, startled, but continued rubbing Shindou's cock as he came, and in the middle of the orgasm Shindou opened his eyes to see Touya delicately rubbing a glob of Shindou's come off his chin. His belly felt sticky, but Shindou decided he didn't care.

They lay down next to each other, quiet, and laced their fingers together. Touya tucked his head into the crook of Shindou's neck, and they were still, just listening to the other breathing,and feeling the warm presence of another person next to them.

They stayed like that, safe and in the dark, for a long time.

Eventually Shindou reached for Touya's hand, took it in his own and kissed the palm, and sat up. They tidied the room and removed evidence of what they had been doing, and when Shindou's mother came home the room was brightly lit, and they were sitting on either side of the Go board, totally engrossed.  
*

It seemed to Shindou like he spent the next few days in a dreamy haze. He couldn't remember ever feeling so content, except perhaps when he was playing Sai in his bedroom, and knowing he was getting better and better, even if it was taking a long time. He and Touya played each other regularly, and spent as much time as they could kissing and touching and working out new things their bodies liked. He wasn't sure which they did more of, because one turned into the other very fluidly, but he suspected Go was winning by a small margin.

His calloused hands fingered the stones as he sat across from Touya in the Go salon or in their room, and those same hands found Touya's cock and made him gasp and moan and come. Sometimes he caught himself looking at them, at the rough skin on his palms, and was surprised by the things they were allowed to do. He was surprised, too, that, after such a long time spent without Touya, that now he could stand next to Touya on a busy train and discuss old games or tell him a story about going camping when he was ten, or share Touya's favourite food with him. It felt nice to learn more about him, to hear stories he didn't think Touya would have told anyone else.

The evening with Touya's parents came and went. It was terrifying, but at the same time not entirely unpleasant. It was alarming, but also a privilege, to sit by the Meijin and talk to him. Their conversation had turned rapidly and immediately to Go, and for them it was both an interesting and safe subject, and Shindou was very glad that Touya's parents did not quiz him closely on his relationship with their son.

Later he and Touya played a game on the Go board by the window, and afterwards Touya Meijin came in and looked at it. He looked for longer than Shindou felt entirely comfortable with, and then he nodded, and left the room.

"That means he thought it was a good game," Touya said.

"Your parents are nice," Shindou said, and squeezed Touya's fingers briefly over the Go board.

He spoke to Touya's mother before he left. "Touya is very happy these days," she said.

"I'm glad," Shindou said. That was as close as they got to discussing the relationship, but it was plenty for Shindou. Touya's mother invited him to dinner again soon.

Touya's schedule of games was heavier than Shindou's, but they still managed to see each other regularly, and almost every day when the week was a quiet one.

Touya met him out of school one afternoon. "Hello," Shindou said, happy and surprised.

"Can I buy you lunch?" Touya said.

"Sure. You don't have to though. And it's a bit late for lunch."

"I thought it would be nice," Touya said, and his face got that anxious look it had so often.

"It would be very nice," Shindou agreed quickly. They hadn't done anything quite like this before, and it was rare for Touya to suggest something. Unlike on the Go board, Shindou found he was often taking the initiative between them, something he was growing to like. It felt nice not to be led by Sai, or to be running his desperate race after Touya, but to lead the way.

They went to a quiet restaurant not too far from his school. It was a more expensive place than Shindou would have normally gone into, but Touya seemed so confident about it that Shindou didn't want to argue with him.

He thought about the first time Touya had met him after school, and knew it must have cost Touya quite a lot to show up there after being unable to meet him at the salon. He rubbed his leg gently against Touya's under the table and felt glad that Touya wanted him, that Touya was brave enought to meet him, that Touya had brought him to this restaurant, that Touya was touching his foot with his own.

*

A couple of days later, Waya found them in the Go Institute bathroom. It was inevitable, really. The bathroom was hardly private, and they were not very careful.

Shindou had watched the end of Touya's game. It had been a good game, and made him exhilarated in the way only Touya's games could. He'd dragged Touya to the bathroom to work off some steam. In their haste, they'd not even bothered to go into a cubicle before they started kissing, Shindou's hand buried in the hair at the back of Touya's head, tilting him over slightly as he kissed him thoroughly.

The door slammed shut behind Waya, and he stood still, his mouth slightly open. Then he said slowly, "Touya Akira."

Shindou stood slightly in front of Touya, his arm still wrapped around Touya's back. "Yes," he said.

"You and him," Waya said.

"Yes," Shindou said, tightening his grip on Touya. He thought he could feel him trembling slightly. He wondered if it was with fear or anger.

Waya looked at him. "Is that where those bruises came from?"

"Yes! Now go away, Waya," Shindou said abruptly.

"No," Waya said, looking slightly dazed. "No, I'm going to use the bathroom. That's why I came in here."

He went into one of the cubicles. Shindou and Touya stared at each other, and then Touya grabbed Shindou's hand and tugged him out of the bathroom. Shindou was glad of the pressure on his palm, and was glad, too, that Touya wasn't rushing away from him. He let go of his hand as they walked through the halls, which were full of insei and pro-players, and got into one of the lifts. They were, luckily, the only people to catch it.

"You ok?" Shindou asked quickly.

"Yeah. Are you?"

"Yeah." He squeezed Touya's hand. He said, after a moment, "I hope Waya's still my friend." Once he'd said it, he realised any feelings he had about Waya were unimportant compared to what he was feeling for Touya just then.

Touya nodded. "I guess we'll have to get used to people not being our friends."

"I think he's more shocked that it's me and you, not because you're a boy," Shindou said.

"Why?" Touya asked. They were getting off the lift now.

"Well," Shindou smiled. "You have a way of aggravating people, don't you?"

"It's only because I'm so good at Go," Touya said. "It's not my fault."

Shindou laughed. "Come on, let's go back to my house. There's a high chance my mother is out."

*

He met Waya a few days later at then entrance to the Go Institute. He'd thought Waya might just walk past without saying anything, but he wasn't surprised when Waya stopped walking and spoke.

"Shindou," Waya said. "Have you got a match now?"

He was waiting for Touya to finish a tutoring match, but he didn't say that. "I've got half an hour free."

"Me too," Waya said, and they went inside together and sat down.

Neither of them spoke for quite some time. Shindou watched people entering and leaving the Go institute and rested his chin on his hands. Then Waya said, "How did it start?" He said it awkardly, staring at his hands.

"When we were insei, actually," Shindou said. "But we didn't... We weren't together until recently." He didn't really want to tell Waya about his relationship with Touya, but at the same time he didn't think he should have to lie, either.

"What do you, just play Go and kiss?" Waya asked, seeming unable to stop himself.

Shindou thought about it for a while. He thought about eating together and Touya's parents and the shape of Touya's back beneath the bedclothes."Basically," Shindou said. "Well, not just kissing."

"Ugh!" Waya said. "Don't tell me about that." Then he laughed, "It sort of sounds like the ideal relationship. If it wasn't with Touya Akira."

"That's what makes it ideal," Shindou said, surprising himself with his honesty.

Waya wrinkled his nose. "But I see where you're coming from. If Isumi was a really hot girl, that would be a great relationship."

"Isumi's fine the way he is," Shindou said.

Waya shook his head fervently and changed the subject to Ochi and his recent matches. Touya found them downstairs like that, talking, when he left his match.

"I'm sorry it was a long time, Shindou" he said. "We talked a lot after that match."

"That's ok," Shindou said. "I was just talking to Waya."

"I know," Touya said, and he looked at Waya in the way he had that people so frequently labelled as arrogant and which Shindou had rapidly learnt usually just meant he was anxious. Waya stood up.

"I'll see you guys later," he said. "Maybe we should play a match some time, Touya."

Touya's lips opened slightly, but he didn't reply, and Waya left rapidly, with a wave to Shindou.

"Why does he think I want to play him?" Touya said.

"He's just being friendly," Shindou said. "He's trying."

"All right," Touya said softly. "If he wants to."

Shindou smiled. He brushed Touya's fingers with his own, and they started for Touya's house. It was getting much colder out, and autumn leaves swirled in the air as they made their way up Touya's street. It was quiet, and Shindou took the opportunity to take Touya's hand as they walked through the crisp air. He thought about Sai, and about how Sai was a part of him now, and how, when he played Go he could feel Sai in this hand, and how he held Touya with that same hand now.

He liked the thought of Sai walking behind them and talking merrily, and he thought Sai would smile to see them hold hands like this. He wasn't so sure Sai would be happy with the other things they did, though; he almost blushed at the thought.

In Touya's bed the explored each other's bodies with cold hands, and sucked each other's cocks with their hot mouths and came in a sticky mess on each other's stomachs Then they lay under the covers for a while, Touya's warm body pressed against Shindou's back, his arm wrapped tightly around Shindou's chest.

"I'm glad you made things up with Waya," Touya said suddenly.

"Me too," Shindou said. Then he had a thought, "It wouldn't change anything between us if I couldn't, though. You know that, right?"

Touya nodded, and Shindou could feel his warm breath against his neck as he said, "I know."

Then Touya said, tracing his fingers slowly along Shindou's neck, "We are close in a way few people can be close. Sai said that."

Shindou breath caught, and he realised how glad he was that Touya had remembered. "Yes," he said.

"Shindou," Touya said. "Tell me about Sai."

Shindou lay still for a moment, and then he rolled over, tangling the sheets beneath him, and looked at Touya.


End file.
